Instead, the comedian says she spent the 2023 holidays doing everything she could to not face the reality of her love life falling apart around her. She said that her friends, famous and otherwise, “got me through the early stages of wanting to lie on the floor in the fetal position.”

Part of that was the old adage of getting back up on that horse, which Sia and Nia Vardalos apparently encouraged by convincing the My Life on the D-List star to get “on the apps.” She quipped in the piece that it only happened after they dared her and “because I’m emotionally 12 years old,” she then had to do it.

Griffin apparently left a whole lot of the process in the hands of her friends, with Sia and Nia apparently building her profile for her and a new Gen Z girl she was interviewing to be her assistant helping to filter through the 100-plus replies.

When Griffin did get involved, she shared her process: “First, I would make them FaceTime so I could make sure I wasn’t being catfished. I’ve watched every episode of that show. Then, I would have a coffee-only date, and if they passed that test, they would get lunch, and if they passed that, they would get dinner.”

All in all, she said she went on three different dates, which were a bit lop-sided in many ways. She said that for her, all three were “blind dates,” but that wasn’t the case for the guys. “Because remember: The guys can find out pretty much anything about me. You can see me in my bikini on TV. You can read about my divorces. You can read about my fight with the current president.”

While she didn’t find love on those first three dates, Griffin said she did learn something important about dating in 2025, “that guys don’t pick up the tab anymore?” Her take on that? “Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I’m sorry: I have financially taken care of so many men in my life, and I’m not picking up the f–king tab anymore,” she wrote.

“I showed up in full makeup with lashes and dressed nice. I put in effort. And I only ordered the baked-brie appetizer and a Diet Coke,” she continued. “I would literally rather get arrested in this restaurant for not paying than pay this f–king bill.”

She talked about how she knows she brings “a lot of baggage,” but also emphasized that she’s learned “that sexism and misogyny are still very much alive and well, unfortunately, and now we have to throw ageism in there.” She said that even still men seem to struggle with a woman being the breadwinner, which she called a “common thread” among her exes.

While most of the guys didn’t quite fit — Griffin, 65, did admit that she “accidentally fell in love with a 23-year-old.” It turns out his youth was a benefit, because he “didn’t have the usual sexism, misogyny, and biases” that Griffin said she keeps finding in guys closer to her age.

Even as she wrote, “He seemed to see me,” Griffin immediately admitted, “I know that sounds really corny,” and even added, “Oh God, it sounds so lame!” But at the same time, she stands by it, emphasizing that she felt “really comfortable” with him and just enjoyed hanging out.

“It never could’ve lasted, and we both knew that,” she acknowledged, “But it was nice to know that my heart could still feel like that in my 60s, and it was nice to have the universe show me a guy that I really got a kick out of but also respected.”

At the same time, Griffin has had to admit that she “really was in love with him,” even as she knew that there was no real future there. But he could still play an important role in her healing journey after her divorce.

The relationship has also proven to be a turning point for Griffin. She explained that she’s definitely a relationship person, so she’s learned she could not just do the dating thing, but she’s also learned she “can no longer be a partner person with partners like the ones I’ve had.”

“It had a lot of the elements of what I think would’ve made a real, lasting relationship,” she said of her tryst with this younger man. “He touched my heart. He came along at a time in my life where I was like, ‘Men suck, and there’s only bad ones, and why do I pick the worst ones?’ And then he appeared, and I was like, ‘Oh, okay, well, he’s cool, but it’s dumb, because he’s too young.'”

Griffin said that they did try to see if they could make things work, adding that he “made me feel sexy and special and smart and funny.” At the same time, she said that he “hadn’t been banged around that much,” due to his age, and she knew her “baggage was gonna get in the way.”

She said that the two of them “clicked” and she was so happy they “were able to capture it for a little while,” but all the while, she knew that’s all it could be — a little while.

“I knew he was too young when he told me he never wanted to have kids and that he could be with me forever,” writes Griffin. “And I was like, ‘You don’t know that. You’re 23. You have no idea.’ I just wouldn’t do that to him.”

She went on to admit, “I mean, when I was 23, I thought I knew a lot of s–t, but I didn’t. So I had to set that dove free.”